| Writings |
Rae |
Past |
Visuals |
But if your heart's not in it, for real.
Please dont try to fake what you dont feel.
If love's already gone,
Its not fair to lead me on.
Cause, i would give the whole world, for you.
Anything you'd ask of me, i'll do.
But i wont ask you to say,
I'd rather walk away.
If your heart's not in it.
i'm not exactly in the best of mood.
i was trying to put my clubs back into my golf bag in the indoor store when the others toppled over,
creating a domino effect.
great, such swift motion smashed an unused standing lamp.
and all the bits and pieces of shattered glass were on the floor.
best still, i cut my leg.
moreover,
some pple just irks me.
yes, thank you very much.
and now what, itunes seems wierd.
or perhaps its just the problem wid my ipod thats playing such horrible music in the background.
i shant go on complaining.
yesterday was such a wonderful day to remember.
cedar celebrated racial harmony,
(yes i know we're abit late)
lessons were a bore as i wasnt concentrating.
all i wanted was to take photos wid everyone.
pictures uploaded, on the right please ----->
towning in sari(s) was incredibly memorable.
all eyes were on us i must say.
those who never look at us means they're blind.
quoted felicia chew chinchin.
i had someone raising his eyebrows cheekily at me.
and so many smiles from so many passer-bys.
a woman who walked past me and feli:
you look nice girls.
it made the both of us really happy at that time.
we know we're pretty lah.
the taxi uncle thought we were superstars or something,
i'm serious.
a treat at swensens from suye was pleasant.
i want to eat somemore icecream.
bonding time was really great.
i got home pretty late.
it was such a long and tiring day.
at dawn i was out for school,
and only came back at like eleven.
sleep felt so good yesterday night.
something it feels like noone understand.
yes, i'm lost.
i'm really lost.
i dont know what i'm doing.
i dont know why i'm keeping a distance from pple who care so much abt me.
i seem to far away, i know.
i dont know what i'm doing this.
it feels like i've lost a part of me. really
thank you all who made yesterday so wonderful.
(:
and thank you to the person who sent me so many smileys.225 of them, i counted.
i hope i'll be fine someday.
i want to cut myself,
and let myself bleed dry.
rae is the greatest loser, loner.
i want to have so many slash marks on my wrist,
so that i'll get all the attention from pple.
then i'll lonely and rejected no more.
go watch the island!
i give the movie a hundred million thumbs up man.
(: its really great.
its so linked to the debate our class had the other day on cloning.
pple like me who dont take bio,
its pretty interesting lah.
go watch go watch!
:DDDDD
i predict that one fine day i'll just drift from all of you.
with such situation like now,
i forsee an internal comflict.
and then we'll spilt.
there goes my only friends.
thank you very much for stealing them away from me.
i'm just waiting for days to pass.
i've got to move on.
lonesome and despondent,
but i cant live life like that.
i want to watch 13 going on 30 again!
it was so meaningful and sweet.
(:
p.s. relative velocity is driving me nuts.
wanna be,
no no no,
i dont hate everyone
EXCEPT YOU.
thank you very much.
byebye.
(re-edited)
i really wonder why i just cant seem to fall asleep every night.
and i waste my time staring at the ceiling above,
or go by the window to gaze at the stars.
insomnia has taken its toll over me.
i feel so deprived of beauty sleep,
yes rae is getting uglier.
(or has she always been ugly?)
i'm so in love wid jj,
but i wont leave my david forgotten!
now, i got two guys to accompany and sing me to sleep every night.
okay okay. -.-
you're beautiful, you're beautiful.
you're beautiful, its true.
i saw yr face in a crowded place.
and i dont know what to do,
cause i'll never be wid you.
i seriously need to shed some pounds off,
at this rate that i'm eating.
i dont think i'll still be under 40kg.
=( serious dieting needed.
speaking of which, i think i'll be doing eight rounds at the stadium later. :)
i'm still in a relaxed mood,
prelims are drawing nearer and nearer.
teachers are rushing to complete everything,
while others are starting revision.
yet, I STILL DONT FEEL THE DRIVE FOR STUDYING.
and i dont feel the stress.
school's like a playground for me.
i ought to do some serious reflection.
SILVER FROM PROJECT SUPERSTAR CANT SING LAH!
honestly, i feel that i can sing a MUCH better version of taowang than her.
ask my partner lah, i sing that song everyday.
and that candyce, no vocals, she sounds like a weakling.
YOU KNOW WHY SHE GOT IN?!
simply cos she came back to cedar to promote herself,
and encourage cedarians to vote for her.
(i didnt though.)
yes, she's an ex-cedarian.
i hate such stupid systems of public voting.
i have nothing to blog about.
i'm doing this for the sake of typing something here.
heh, :D pardon me.
you're beautiful little one,
-
okay.fine.
everything's a lie.
everything's just a pack of lies.
FUCK YOU FOR LYING TO ME.
fuck you okay.
fuck off.
just leave me alone.
DONT TOUCH ME.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
why now? when everything seems to fine and gay.
okaay, at least i thought it was.
why now? it was so wrong of me to ask.
curiosity kills the cat.
if i hadnt ask, i wldnt not.
GET LOST.
I HATE THE WORLD.
I HATE EVERYONE.
I HATE YOU.
leave me alone okay.
i just want to sink into depression.
i cant move on anymore.
its time to face the truth, i will never be with you.
I DECLARE CHINESE O LEVELS OFFICALLY OVER!
haha. listening today was -.-
i can conclude that classical music is definitely not my cup of tea.
practically half an hour of classical music!
can die man.
hmms, the options were tricky.
so much so, i shall put the chinese paper of my mind.
till the day the results are released. . .
my pe teacher went to support her gf at nationals today.
hence, mr poon did not take us for pe!
we could rollerblade. :D
i hurt my knee against the ground while trying to help a first-timer get across some distance. OUCH.
the lesson was so fun!
my and jieying held hands and bladed at such great speed! woohs
nono, we were not trying to promote lesbianism. haha.
seven of them came over to watch a home movie!
dinner at chom chom.
(: we are so f full.
and we waited half an hour for what we order okay!
we ran back home all the way, in slippers!
for all who doesnt know the way back home for chomchom,
its upslope running.
we were dead exhausted!
bonding time was great though.
baby doll's tired.
insomnia's been kicking in,
been long since i had a good night of sleep.
looking forward to one tonight.
baby doll's been drained of ALL her energy.
dont you wish yr gf's hot like me?
neglected;
who is there to wipe away baby doll's tears of agony?
the red smokescreen blurred her vision,
she was no longer conscious of the words she spoke.
dynamic she is, it sparked off a serious argument between she and the endeared one.
remorseful, yet her pride stood in the way.
she tried hard to fight back the tears.
damn, she felt so lonely so lonely.
she took so much things for granted,
and now alls gone.
nobody's there to wipe away baby doll's tears.
it just kept on flowing, nonstop.
it was exactly the way she wanted,
and it went according to her wishes.
never did it occur to her that she's hurt.
the lonesome ragged doll,
neglected, rejected.
forgotten.
her smile faded,
tears blurred her vision.
she dosnt know how to move on.
lost.
flashback;
she attempted to close her eyes for a little rest,
yet the pretty stuff up above deserved her attention much more.
they reminded her of stars shining in the night sky,
the display was nothing but a marvellous creation.
i want one of that, she said
i'll get one for you provided you rest first, baby doll.
she closed her eyes and smiled to herself.
this is my definition of heaven.
it dawned upon her that she could never have one of those up there.
yet she believes,
and waits.
she was adamant that they were fated together forever.
it seemed like a fairytale come true,
though she isnt the princess who was experiencing the sweetness of love and happiness.
melodramatic it was, but it left her wid so much emotions and thoughts.
she was enthralled by such love and sincerity,
she wondered when it would ever be her turn to experience such.
the damsel finds for her brightest star in the vast night sky,
for that star will guide her through the lonesome night.
that special star.
she's appalled by the arrogance of elitists,
their condemnation, of someone who's of lower social status than them, fills her wid wholly disgust.
quit trying desperately to climb the social ladder, the higher you go, the more you will feel yr inferiortity.
singapore, being a cosmopolitan city,
emphasizes so much on harmony among the different races.
hasnt all efforts gone down the drain,
when elite discrimination is still prevalent.
a much disturbing fact is that such remarks came from students.
it really questions her abt the character-building of top students.
disturbing, really.
so much for baby doll's thoughts.
i need you guys out there to do me a favour,
of cos not to ask you if i look fat.
(yes, some nice comment in my previous entry.)
school's been pretty good,
just that there were so many tests this week.
pretty stressful i must say.
something that amazed me is cedarian's creativity to sell out their red cross donation tickets.
jessica's way, (i heard):
hello! want to stand a chance to win ten thousand dollars in cash?
buy my tickets.
and from my dearest kor,
you quite smart ar! use 2 dollars to get ten thousand dollars.
OKKAAAYYY. the top prize is 10 thousand dollars you see.
yes, everyone is blissfully in love.
EXCEPT ME.
new sitting arrangements were out on tuesday,
i'm still sitting wid my bitch!
yes yes, almost everyday i hear abt her happy days.
and now, cheryl dear is telling me abt she and her mike!
RAAAAHHHH. OKAAYYY LOR.
chiness oral that day was really screwed up.
i know how to read all the words can!
but i was so scared that it was so screwed up.
baozhangbaodao, i totally didnt know what to say can!
and i digressed so much.
worse still, the oral teacher help me add points.
and unknowingly, i exclaimed to the teacher, YA.
get what i mean by it was really screwed up?
as usual, i cant seem to fall asleep, still, these few days.
big problem, shakes head.
i want you and yr beautiful soul,
不在乎天长地久，只在乎曾经拥有。
bu zai hui tian chang di jiu, zhi zai hu ceng jing yong you.
i'm feeling so much inside.
oh wells, the sentence above got me through the day.
emotions swept within.
fortunately i was able to get hold of myself and get my mind back on the right track.
amnesia these few nights resulted in panda eyes and lack of sleep.
when i'm lying on my bed, my mind drifts to a place far far away.
HAHAHA, i sound like i'm telling a bedtime story.
but this baby doll's finding her knight in shining armour.
(no lah, not for the time being.)
(: ps.cheryl likes/loves mike too! RAAAAHHH.
i love trueway,
its been my church since childhood!
i like it so much better than trinity.
i dont get the special feeling at trinity man.
i've decided to go back there for worship after my Os.
i'm looking forward!
am so tempted to type my entry in chinese okay.
chinese oral's drawing,
yet i'm still so unprepared.
wish me luck please?
baby rae has got LOUSY chinese.
hug me tight will you?
she looked at the reflection in the mirror,
damn, she thought, what the hell happened?
she frowned, and pointed her fingers ar the big packet of m&ms peanuts she finished just a few minutes ago.
their fault.
her silhouette looked so familar,
for it looks exactly like the colourful friends she's so addicted to.
round, oval, what have you?
pe lesson turned out to be a surprise.
monsterpoon didnt torture the class by making them run rounds.
she enjoyed the moments wid her endeared kor pretty much, being the best team for softball, and of course, the founders of ccfc.(:
she's gonna miss her bitching partner,
for new sitting arrangements are gonna be up on tuesday.
school's been rather stressful, she must say.
tests flooding the whole of next week.
plus plus, the dreaded chinese olevels oral.
tell her that she can speak chinese fluently man.
and ends it off wid, today's liar's day huh?
sounds familar mingming baby?
her handbook's filled wif the sweet scent,
she traced the source and found out that it came from manel's letter!
HAHA, it certainly brought much smiles to her face as she thought of that honeybaby.(:
fear overpowered last night,
she was so afraid, so afraid of the dark.
just like a little doll, cuddled up in the sheets,
waiting to be hugged.
Rachel / Rae
24th nov 1989
raeraerae_@hotmail.com
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